Sunday, February 16, 2003

The Devil's Beatitudes

1. Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians -- they are my best workers.
2. Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked -- I can use them.
3. Blessed are the touchy who stop going to church -- they are my missionaries.
4. Blessed are the trouble makers -- they shall be called my children.
5. Blessed are the complainers -- I'm all ears to them.
6. Blessed are those who are bored with the minister's mannerisms and mistakes -- for they get nothing out of his sermons.
7. Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church -- for he is a part of the problem instead of the solution.
8. Blessed are those who gossip -- for they shall cause strife and divisions that please me.
9. Blessed are those who are easily offended -- for they will soon get angry and quit.
10. Blessed are those who do not give their offering to carry on God's work-- for they are my helpers.
11. Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and sister -- for he shall be with me forever.
12. Blessed are you who, when you read this think it is about other people and not yourself -- I've got you too!

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